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| January 17, 1997 |
Circulation 35 |
Vol. 1, No. 7 |
PRUDISH: Do you ever really
watch television? ... or is it just a night light ...
a little background noise ... while you do important stuff
... like homework ... sleep ... read the newspaper ...
last night I actually thought about the underlyin’
stories of the shows I saw ... it was one of those lucid
moments ... reflective introspection ... it occurred to
me that each show sought to portray the lives of the characters
... wait a minute ... I know that’s what they’re
s’posed to do ... there’s more ... it was Seinfeld,
Single Guy and ER ... each show had at least one character
sleepin’ with another ... not blatantly ... not that
it would earn a TV 14 or anythin’ like that ... just
casual ... like it was a recreational choice ... another
form of socializin’ ... (which I s’pose you
could call it) ... like it wasn’t even part of the
mainstream ... ‘cept for Kramer ... tryin’ to
figger out how to tell the girl he jes’ wanted the
fun ... then wanted her to leave ... he said she had the
“leg jimmies” ... kept ‘im awake ... maybe
I’m a little out of it ... but then I got to thinkin’
... my two boys were watchin’ these shows too ...
how was this message bein’ stored in their subconscious?
... is this how they think all dates go? ... “hey,
let’s go to bed ... if you’re any good then
I’ll spring for dinner” ... or that sex is like
goin’ out shootin’ hoops with the guys? ...
jes’ another form of workin’ out? ... then I
got scared ... what was I doin’ thinkin’ like
this? ... me ... a hip guy ... a Nineties kinda dude ...
cool dad ... gives ‘em chocolate cake ... am I my
father? ... AARRRGGGGHHHHHH!
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STANDARDS: It’s after
hours ... no one’s around ... you’ve got that
last minute assignment done ... gotta get copies made
... the office copier’s one of those ecologically
friendly beasts ... turns itself off after ‘while
... how do you get it to come on ... not that they’d
want to mar the clean, sleek designs ... by puttin’
an obvious switch somewhere ... but of the few machines
I’ve surveyed recently ... seems like the power switch
is always close to the paper-feedin’ end ... then
the only problem is that it takes 10 minutes to warm itself
up! ... the other way is to print multiple copies out
of the printer ... but then that costs a lot more ...
the toner ... wear ‘n tear ... it’s a lot higher
for the little printers than it is the copier ... only
do that in an emergency.
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RESOURCE: Ever have one of
those burnin’ questions? ... the kind that just gnaws
at your insides? ... but you don’t even know where
to begin to look? ... ‘n it’s kind of a stupid
question that you’d be embarrassed to ask another
person? ... with the whole world at your fingertips ...
through the magic of the Internet ... you can usually
find the answer ... but sometimes even phrasin’ the
question can be difficult ... some time ago I had this
desire to find out what time Prince Charles was born ...
ya see ... he ‘n I are a day apart ... he was born
the day after me ... but I had this idea that maybe ...
because of the time difference between California ‘n
England ... maybe we were actually born at the same astrological
time ... like anybody cares, right? ... but guess what?
... I found the answer! ... on the Internet ... I used
the Internet Public Library at ipl.sils.umich.edu/ ...
under their Reference Division they have an “Ask
a Question” function ... I sent them my question
... they sent me back the address of a site on the web
where I could find my answers ... I was truly impressed
... this is only a small piece of what they’ve got
... they have a tremendous number of books on-line ...
plus links to many other sites of literature on-line ...
go set a spell ... do some readin’.
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“I’m in favor of adopting
the ‘Nose Hair’ index for measuring temperature
- if they freeze, it’s cold; if sweat’s dripping
off them then it’s hot.” -- Mikey, Thinkin’
Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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