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| February 12, 1997 |
Circulation 68 |
Vol. 1, No. 23 |
NEW YORK, THE RETURN: Oh my
... what would I do ... there were witnesses to the recordin'
... I know that bribes don't work with kids ... they're
natural born Commies ... they love to rat on their parents
... I couldn't deny the taping attempt ... there was only
one thing left to do ... community service ... maybe if
I cleaned up the house that would distract her enough
that she'd forget about me not seein' 'em ... now mind
you ... despite the threats to throw wild parties while
wifey-poo was out of town we had a pretty mild weekend
... I stayed in the basement for most of it ... ended
up with a little touch of kennel cough ... four days growth
of beard ... lookin' like I'd been sleepin' under the
bridge for a while ... besides it'd been snowin' ... how
dirty can it be when there's snow on the ground? ... I
knew they couldn't be home before 5:30 because of the
train schedules ... I tried to work out a schedule in
my head to see how long I could delay startin' the cleanin'
... I figgered the afternoon would do ... I finally started
at 1:00 ... after #1 daughter had whipped up a tuna salad
lunch ... now I had fish breath to boot! ... I dusted
... sort of ... I hate that part ... things don't look
that bad ... 'til ya hit 'em with the rag ... 'specially
the dark furniture ... it's amazin' how the stuff sticks
to the vertical surfaces ... then there's the doilies
... under the dolls ... everywhere ... those glaring eyes
starin' at ya as ya grab their feet to move 'em over ...
I've been watchin' too many o' those Chuckie movies ...
I keep expectin' one of 'em to lunge at me ... start gnawin'
on my face or somethin' ... I finally get the highlights
done ... those obvious pieces that you spot at first glance
... checked my watch ... it's already 2! ... better get
a move on ... oops ... what are these envelopes? ... hmmmm
... 8 ... 9 ... uh-oh ... today's the 10th ... these should
be in the mailbox ... I scan the neighborhood ... all
the red flags are down ... drat! ... I grabbed my Min-Pin
baseball cap to cover my wild hair ... put on my tennies
... grabbed a jacket ... headed for the mailbox ... sure
'nuff ... the postman came once ... I got my wallet 'n
keys 'n headed into town ... this wasn't part of my plan
... oh, this was gonna be close! ... my disguise was effective
... people got outta my way ... I mailed the letters ...
my car was out of gas so I had to fill it up ... finally
got back home ... a precious 30 minutes carved out of
my schedule ... I hit the vacuum next ... if you're careful
you can blend in the carpet streaks from the last time
with this time ... jes' have to make it look natural's
all ... I managed to get it all lookin' smooth ... made
a stab at the bathrooms ... jumped in the shower ... scraped
the stubble off my face ... (ouch) ... then remembered
that the boys had basketball practice 'n would need some
dinner ... does it never end?!?!? ... I figgered spaghetti'd
be simple enough ... took some left over taco meat 'n
threw it in the skillet ... started the big pot of water
heatin' up ... cleaned 'round the kitchen ... ran downstairs
to the pantry for the spaghetti ... oh no! ... where's
the spaghetti? ... quick ... no time to waste ... what
else is there? ... macaroni ... penne ... ziti ... hmmmmm
... OK we'll have whatever ziti 'n hamburger makes ...
I grabbed a jar of sauce 'n ran back upstairs ... I felt
like I was in Risky Business or Weird Science ... the
part at the end ... when the parents are on their way
home ... the kid's tryin' to put the house back together
... it was time to panic! ... #6 pops a surprise ... says
he has to leave right now! ... I tell 'im no ... throw
some noodles in a bowl ... some sauce over it ... some
mozzarella for garnish ... grab a few leaves of lettuce
'n call it "fresh garden salad" ... viola ...
dinner's served ... take the rest 'n throw it all together
in a bowl 'n stick it in the oven ... as the door opened
... in steps Mama ... whew! ... safe! ... after listenin'
to her stories I kind of mentioned what happened with
the tapin' ... she jes' laughed ... one of the other Dog
Women's mom had taped the whole thing ... so it wasn't
that big a deal ... now we've gotta find a spot on a curio
shelf somewhere to put the paper cup that had held the
birdseed that Kathie Lee had handed the ladies to throw
at the bride 'n groom as they came out!
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"If we could all do like Scrooge
and look into the future to see people sorting through
our belongings after we die, it would make throwing things
away a lot easier." -- Mikey, Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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