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| February 13, 1997 |
Circulation 69 |
Vol. 1, No. 24 |
I WARNED YOU: Tomorrow's Valentines
Day! ... I hope ya took my advice 'n got your presents
early ... I heard rumors that roses are goin' from $75
to $90 a dozen now ... even the street vendors are gettin'
into the act ... they're up to $7.50 a dozen now ... shouldn't
a waited ... time to trot on down to the card store ...
go elbow to elbow with all the other procrastinators ...
tryin' to find the perfect blend of sentiment ... humor
... first of all ya gotta eliminate all the cards that
have "Dear" ... "Darling" ... "To
My Wife" ... on the front ... I don't know why the
card companies think that's so cute ... that takes out
95% of the cards on the rack! ... then ya gotta find jes'
the right inside verse ... now that's the tough one ...
whoever writes 'em has either never been married or never
had kids ... ya get stuff like "Over the years..."
... wait a minute ... you're not in the mood ... I can
tell ... now go over 'n turn off the light ... put on
a little Tony Bennett ... or Toni Braxton ... or Kenny
G ... dim the monitor a little bit ... take hold of your
other hand (pretend that it's the one you love) ... OK
... now back to the verses ... "Each day my love
for you grows more intense and words cannot express my
sentiments for you, my wife" ... or "The Rose
symbolizes the beauty and passion of my love for you my
darling" ... give me a break! ... is that something
I'd say? ... how 'bout "After all these years - you're
still here? Be a sweetie and get me a beer" ... or
"It's Valentines Day, the anniversary of our car
insurance - and a rate increase because one of the fruits
of our love has a lead foot!" ... now that's real
tear-jerkin' sentiment! ... I've got a lovely, romantic
evening planned ... she'll accompany me to #7's basketball
practice ... afterwards we'll stop by the convenience
store ... he'll have a Cookies 'n Cream ice cream cone
... we'll split a hot dog fresh from the rotating steel
bar pit ... (actually it'll have to be meatless variety
... it's Lent ya know) ... 'n a diet soda ... if we're
still hungry (or alive) we could top it off with a Dove
Bar ... mmmmmmm ... then for a little excitement I'll
let her pick the lottery numbers 'n we can donate another
dollar to the state ... then we can hurry home for a quiet
romantic evenin' snuggled up on the couch ... her on one
with the two dogs ... me on the other with the remote
... we'll do some channel surfin' ... prob'ly end up watchin'
that new show that's on instead o' X-Files ... it's so
good I can't remember the name ... but not to fear ...
we'll be snoozin' before the clock strikes 10 ... awakenin'
long enough to hear her commentin' on how nice Morris
Jones dresses ... (he makes me wanna puke ... his hankie
in his coat pocket always matches his tie ... his suits
look like he gets a new one each night ... his shirt's
perfectly matched ... he must be skinny as a rail to look
that slim on television ... ya know they say the camera
adds 10 pounds to ya ... I believe 'em ... they pointed
one at me once 'n sure 'nuff I gained 10 pounds! ... but
I mean how can I compete with this guy!?!) ... by this
time everyone'll be a little grumpy ... I'll get my good
night bite from the dogs as I send 'em off to bed ...
I'll get my good night bite from wifey-poo as I try to
get her to go up to bed ... I'll blow out the romantic
candle we had burnin' on the mantle ... the deodorant
kind ya light to take care of that "House-itosis"
... 'n we'll close the books on another memorable Valentines
Day celebration.
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"True love can't be measured
by the material things you give each other - until the
credit card bills arrive." -- Mikey, Thinkin'
Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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