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| February 19, 1997 |
Circulation 75 |
Vol. 1, No. 27 |
NEXT 50 YEARS: Who's worried
'bout the year 2000? ... not me ... no siree ... I'm goin'
to see what the experts predict for the next 50 years
of computin' ... this oughta be good ... I received the
preliminary schedule of events ... the first day we've
got a Continental Breakfast scheduled from 7:00 a.m. to
8:30 p.m. ... now that seems a little excessive to me
... but hey ... this is California we're talkin' 'bout
... maybe the day-old Danish'll be so tough it'll take
that long to soak in the coffee before a fella can chew
it ... now the 50th anniversary party's scheduled to run
from 8:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. ... that's my kinda party!
... one of our acquaintances, Vinton Cerf, is on the schedule
from 10:30 a.m. to 11:15 p.m. ... sure hope he's got a
few jokes to tell in the middle of his presentation ...
now I'm makin' a rash assumption here but I think one
of the chairmen prob'ly typed this thing up themselves
... got a little carried away with the cut 'n paste function
... I'd hate to think some highly qualified administrative
assistant did this!
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MY MIND'S MADE UP: I was jes'
waitin' for the sign ... I've got it ... the Lincoln Mark
VIII's for me! ... it's been dubbed "America's Most
Washable Car" by the Michigan Carwash Association
... their criteria include such things as wheel wells
that don't hold dirt ... molding n' bumpers that stay
on when you scrub ... no nooks 'n crannies ... waterproof
paint ... drivers that tip more than $5 ... the only thing
that'd make it better is if it had the scrubbers built
in ... ya jes' hooked a garden hose up to it ... turned
it on 'n it scrubbed itself! ... but I've got an even
better idea ... get a roll of Handi-Wrap ... cover your
car with it ... every week or so jes' peel it off 'n put
on some new ... no more nasty bugs to scrape off ... no
more worryin' 'bout road tar ... now what could be easier
than that?
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THE END OF A MYSTERY?: A Scottish
coastguard officer has spotted what he believes is the
secret lair of the Loch Ness monster ... a sonar scan
outlined a 30-foot wide cave in the bottom of the Loch
... this guy thinks that the cave might actually lead
to another Loch ... (by the way, Loch Ness is 23 miles
long ... two miles shorter than the real Eros asteroid
that is playin' tag with the Earth) ... does this mean
that we'd have to rename the Loch Ness monster to somethin'
else? ... in a similar development ... a Fairfax County
Public Works employee claims to have seen what he believes
is a monster trout swimmin' jes' below the surface of
Lake Fairfax ... an out-of-focus Polaroid taken from the
train at the park shows what some think might be ripples
on the surface caused by a large swimmin' thing under
the water ... the photo's bein' analyzed by experts in
an attempt to clear up the mystery ... their preliminary
report says it looks like a long-neck beer bottle was
thrown in the water ... in the meantime ... anyone who
participates in the $6 all-day trout fishin' at the lake
should be warned to use at least 15-pound test line 'n
some really big hooks ... usin' night crawlers as bait
has yielded a fair catch but for the really big ones I
recommend long-haired Chihuahuas ... I wouldn't try fly
fishin' in a lake like this ... last time I tried to get
my fly close enough to the water I fell out of the boat!
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"Brilliance appears in flashes
but stupid stands forever in the spotlight." -- Mikey,
Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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