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| March 14, 1997 |
Get It: 90 |
Vol. 1, No. 44 |
WARNING: I don't know how many
of you got to watch that special report on the news ...
the one 'bout talkin' on your cellular phone while you're
drivin' bein' as dangerous as drivin' drunk? ... well
... I figgered that meant I'd have to pull off the Beltway
to make calls ... that didn't seem to practical ... so
I unplugged my phone last night ... bought a six-pack
o' Coors 'n drank that on the way home instead! ... definitely
more fun!
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TWO BURGERS: I made it home
in time to have dinner with the family for a change ...
not because I was early but because Mama was runnin' behind
... she'd had a hard day at the office ... was jes' cookin'
burgers when I walked in ... she fixed the boys' plates
... two each ... then put mine on the counter ... with
two burgers on it ... I thought that was very considerate
of 'er ... gobbled the first one ... started fixin' the
second one ... she looked over 'n said "is that another
hamburger?" ... "no, it's just my second one"
I said ... "you weren't supposed to have two!"
... "but you put it on my plate!" ... "it
was an accident!" ... thank heavens I'd already put
stuff on it ... what could I do? ... all those starvin'
children in Africa ... I had to eat it ... besides they
don't like onions.
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DRIP DRIP DRIP: Listen up Harry
Homeowner ... before you rush out to buy the parts to
fix that drippin' faucet ... you may wanna consider the
latest findin's of some researchers ... they finally figgered
out how pipes burst in the winter ... it isn't because
water expands when it freezes 'n cracks the pipe that
way ... no siree ... it's because all those tight faucets
hold the water in on the house side of the freeze ...
the water comin' in from the street can back off to where
it came from as the plug expands ... the water on the
inside becomes compressed ... pressure can increase to
4,000 pounds per square inch! ... the weakest spot in
the pipe gives way 'n viola ... you've got a mess! ...
so post this on the fridge 'n next time someone starts
complainin' 'bout the drips you can show 'em how you're
avoidin' disaster ... 'course this same kind of logic
has been 'round for a while ... we were livin' in a development
out West ... a firm came in 'n built a bunch o' houses
in a hurry ... we got to know one of the families who
bought one ... they had a few complaints 'bout some of
the construction "shortcuts" ... like the fact
that the curtains flapped any time the wind was blowin'
... (which was all the time on the Staked Plains) ...
the builder's response? ... "house too tight, house
blow up!" ... the paint job was kind of bad ... they'd
stopped by 'n found the painters on the last few beers
of a case ... wavin' their spray guns around ... builder
says? ... "alcohol balances paint fumes" ...
(now that's one I filed away for future reference) ...
my advice? ... relax ... settle for less than perfect
... it's those little glitches in life that make it interestin'
... hold on ... what's this? ... somebody turned one of
my pennies upside down ... how dare they! ... can't go
slammin' my desk drawer ... it'll jar those pennies out
of line ... the paperclips'll jumble up ... are all my
pencils pointin' the same direction? ... boy, turn your
back for a second 'n the whole place starts goin' to hell
in a hand basket!
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"Lofty ideals are a lot like
lead crystal Frisbees on the cement floor of reality."
-- Mikey, Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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