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| April 7, 1997 |
Get It: 102 |
Vol. 1, No. 59 |
BELTWAY BLUES: I've been savin'
this one for the right time ... do you know why Volvo
cars are the safest in the world? ... because most of
'em don't make it over 25 miles an hour! ... I swear ...
every time I get behind a car goin' down the backroads
... 'n the brake lights come on at every bend ... at every
driveway ... when a butterfly crosses the road ... I realize
that it's a Volvo ... but you know the scariest part?
... it's the same thing on the Beltway!! ... 'n what's
worse than 1 Volvo car on the road? ... 2 of 'em! ...
side-by-side ... in the fast lanes of the freeway ...
they never get a scratch! ... but more people have wrecks
tryin' to get past 'em! ... in fact .. if we could study
the traffic camera films from our area I'm sure you'd
find that most of the cars in wrecks were tryin' to pass
a Volvo ... any takers? ... (now to all you Volvo drivers
out there who read this ... obviously you're not one of
these kind of drivers ... right? ... otherwise you wouldn't
have an e-mail account!} ... all I can say is ... GET
THE LEAD OUT!
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HOLIDAY: I declared a holiday
on Friday ... Early Friday as they like to call it in
the old country ... a day of preparation for setting the
clocks forward ... time to meditate on the many tasks
... where you put all the instruction books for the items
... which secret buttons you push to make the car radio
show the right time ... then it came to my computer ...
now runnin' Windows 95 ... turned it on to set the time
... it politely informed me that it was adjustin' my clock
for daylight savings ... was that OK with me? ... but
of course, computer ... 'n what else ya gonna do? ...
do ya know how to mix mortar? ... I didn't think so ...
but ya know what? ... you're jes' the right shape for
a hod carrier ... so behave yourself!
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REVIEWS: I'm sorry ... I know
there are lot's o' people out there who get paid money
to tell you what they think 'bout movies ... 'n I should
really leave it to the professionals ... but sometimes
a movie comes along that has such an overwhelming effect
on me that I have to speak out! ... now I've been told
that I have very liberal tastes in movies ... wellllll
... the word wasn't exactly "liberal" ... I
was told I'd prob'ly watch a movie about a decomposin'
mound of elephant dung ... (actually ... on The Learning
Channel the other night there was the most fascinatin'
show 'bout 'xactly that ... I loved it when they speeded
up the part where the Dung Beetle packed up a ball 'n
took off 'cross the Plain ... I thought I was gonna fall
off the couch I was laughin' so hard! ... I'm laughin'
so hard now ... where's my hankie? ... I need to dab my
eyes!) ... anyway ... let me get myself composed ... or
should I say decomposed ... ha ha ha ... back to the subject
... man ... it's so easy to get distracted nowadays ...
must be the onset of puberty ... anyway ... we rented
this movie that's been gettin' rave reviews ... stuck
it in the VCR ... expectations set ... I've gotta tell
ya ... I was on the edge o' my seat ... gettin' ready
to reach for the remote ... it was soooooo borin' ...
I was 'bout to scream! ... that was the driest monotone,
monologue I've ever heard ... I don't think I'll ever
watch another movie with Susan Sarandon ... I mean with
her in it ... she wasn't over at my house, silly! ...
'n Sean Penn! ... all I could think of was takin' a razor
to 'im ... he was such a jerk ... mumbled his way through
all the lines ... I won't give away the plot ... (since
there wasn't any) ... or the endin' ... (which didn't
come a minute too soon) ... but if I were you I'd save
my money by not rentin' "Dead Man Walking" ...
they shoulda rated it X for "eXtra stupid!"
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"Evolution is a grand process
by which the most obnoxious survive." -- Mikey,
Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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