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| April 11, 1997 |
Get It: 103 |
Vol. 1, No. 63 |
VANITY: I've got this dear
friend, Ralph ... (betcha some of ya were thinkin' I had
no friends at all) ... Ralph was tellin' me that he'd
gotten a notice in the mail that he'd been nominated to
appear in the International Who's Who of Professionals
... he'd gotten a few of these in the past but they were
obviously blatant ploys to get some amount of money out
of 'im ... but this one seemed different ... it was jes'
a request for some info ... 'bout his family ... kid's
names ... (he's got 7 too ... but instead o' callin' 'em
by number he uses the alphabet ... 'n they named 'em that
way, too ... Adam, Bartholomew, Charles, Delilah, Eudora,
Frederick and George) ... he was gettin' a little older
'n his vanity was startin' to pester 'im a little ...
but bein' a little paranoid he decided to check out the
outfit runnin' the solicitation ... he was thinkin' the
Better Business Bureau'd be as good a place as any to
start ... he pulled up the main web site at www.bbb.org
'n found the phone number for the local bureau that'd
have info on this particular company ... (they do it by
askin' for the zip code of the company) ... then gave
the bureau a call ... it was a purty slick operation ...
all he had to do was enter the telephone number of the
company ... they started playin' back a recorded report
describin' the company 'n it's doins ... his hesitation
in answerin' the benign questionnaire was well founded
... the company sends out 1.8 million invitations a year
... they 'spect 'bout 54,000'll respond ... respondents
are personally "interviewed" by the company
... so they can sell 'em on becomin' a member of the group
... for which you can get up to a 250 word bio in their
publication ... that is if you pay the dues rangin' from
$183.55 to $999.99 ... (Ralph ventured that it was prob'ly
pay by the word) ... non-members get a simple name listin'
plus company name 'n phone number ... nothin' more 'n
glorified phone book ... sneaky way to grab up information
'bout folks ... by the way ... before it was the Who's
Who company it was Gibraltar Marketing ... so Ralph retreats
into his cynical shell warnin' others to watch out ...
"anybody walkin' up to ya 'n showin' an interest
is prob'ly after your money!"
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DUMPSTERS: My fav'rite shoppin'
ground ... our neighborhood association rents some a couple
o' times a year ... puts 'em down at a dead end ... we
all scramble to find the items that we can't sneak out
in the trash ... get 'em to the dumpster early ... before
it fills up ... the trick is to get there when nobody's
'round ... ya like to keep your trash anonymous ... don't
want anybody to know what you were harborin' in your garage
all these years! ... then ya can take the opportunity
to scope out what other folks're tossin' ... ya know that
ol' sayin' 'bout one man's trash bein' another man's treasure!
... besides ... if a fella has a knack for fixin' things
up 'n gettin' a few more years outta somethin' then more
power to 'im ... that's what garages, sheds 'n attics
are for ... to hold all the pendin' repair jobs ... ya
can be lookin' at a chair somebody's tossed ... jes' needs
a little glue ... a small patch on the finish ... why
on Earth would anyone throw somethin' like this out! ...
so ya start carryin' it outta the trash to put in the
truck ... when somebody pulls up with a load ... so ya
turn 'round quick 'n act like you're throwin' it out yourself
... then ya realize that the person's lookin' at ya funny
... he's gotta couple more of the same chairs in the back
of his Volvo station wagon ... BUSTED! ... ya get a little
red ... as ya mosey back to the truck 'n head home ...
promisin' yourself to head back after dark with your Black
& Decker Snakelight wrapped 'round your neck ... to
do some real treasure huntin'!
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"Vanity comes in sizes and,
like McDonald's drinks, there isn't a small." --
Mikey, Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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