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| April 14, 1997 |
Get It: 103 |
Vol. 1, No. 64 |
DEAD ANT: Dead ant ... how
many of you started doin' the Pink Panther in your head?
... now I've gotcha ... it started as a quiet, calm, relaxin'
weekend ... we'd had all the kids over ... checkin' out
the prego mom before she delivers our first grandbaby
... then yesterday I wanted to get a few things done 'round
the house ... started out by thinkin' what I could take
down to the dumpsters ... only had a couple o' items ...
tossed 'em in the back o' the truck 'n headed down ...
I decided to check the shed ... see if there was anythin'
there to get rid of ... started movin' a few things 'round
... my skin started crawlin' ... I was gettin' arachnaphobia
... found a cache o' seeds in my Christmas tree holder
... began developin' a case o' rataphobia ... I pressed
#6 'n #7 into service ... they put on the big garden gloves
... brought out one of our spare hamster cages ... wanted
to catch a mouse for the house! ... one of 'em screamed
"spider over your head!" ... I calmly moved
back ... at a hundred miles an hour! ... looked up on
the ceilin' ... sure 'nuff there was the granddaddy of
all spiders ... short o' bein' a tarantula this was a
bona fide monster ... I normally believe in lettin' critters
have their way but I couldn't help it ... it's in a better
place now ... on Hale-Bopp ... we continued to unload
the shed ... finally found the mouse house ... in a box
of jars that we'd been haulin' 'round since '74 ... the
boys tried to get 'im but he got away 'n ran under the
pile o' wood I'd been savin' ... ya know ... those scraps
o' stuff from different projects? ... too big to fit in
the trash? ... enough wood left to make somethin' really
neat if I could jes' think of it? ... in fact I still
had a rail from an old couch ... solid oak ... still had
the orange 'n brown fabric on it ... I decided to do a
clean sweep ... it'd all go ... we'd move a board ...
the mouse'd be there ... it'd dive for cover ... we'd
move another board ... a real game o' cat 'n mouse ...
finally got down to the partial sheets o' sidin' I'd used
on the shed ... pulled the top sheet off ... we all froze
... then screamed in unison! ... it was like when Indiana
Jones was in the temple ... 'n the floor was a live with
snakes! ... 'cept ours was ants ... big, black ants ...
coverin' the board like chopped olives on a Miracle Whip
sandwich ... I picked up the edge o' the board 'n ran
it outside ... the next board was worse! ... each layer
was denser! ... like 'n ant tort! ... we peeled off the
layers ... finally got it all out ... kept stompin' our
feet ... makin' sure the ants weren't crawlin' up our
legs ... our own version o' River Dance ... I lost count
o' how many truck loads we dumped ... I kept havin' to
chase the boys outta the dumpster ... they wanted to haul
as much back as we took up ... I was eyein' a few things
myself ... it was a magical spot ... we questioned how
the big ol' couch got on top o' the pile ... along with
the dryer ... I know I coulda fixed it up! ... maybe in
my next life!
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FINAL WARNING: Don't look now
... tomorrow's the 15th of April ... hope your taxes are
done! ... #3 was on the phone last night ... with H &
R Mama ... gettin' some help with one o' the forms ...
I was sayin' why not jes' file an extension ... but ya
gotta pay anyway ... that's not fair! ... ya oughta be
able to say ya need more time for free! ... but then I
guess everybody'd do it ... that IRS has it all figgered
out!
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"The fastest way to conquer
fear is to sleep with the lights on." -- Mikey,
Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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