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| April 15, 1997 |
Get It: 104 |
Vol. 1, No. 65 |
LETTER TO THE EDITOR: "Dear
Mikey: I own a Volvo and I would like to comment on some
of the remarks you've made recently regarding Volvo drivers.
I don't have an e-mail account, in fact I don't know anything
about the Internet but some anonymous co-worker was kind
enough to print out your mindless ramblings and put them
on my desk. I have asked a friend of mine to take my tablet
and enter my handwritten reply to you. I would rather
you see my original because I feel there is so much emotion
that is portrayed using a No. 2 pencil and block letter
printing that is lost when modern technology is involved.
But, since you are a man of the 90's I will respond in
kind. First of all, I know that the pedal on the left
is the brake. I have studied the driver's manual very
carefully and it has cautioned me to test the brakes often
to ensure that they are ready in case I need to stop.
So about every 15 seconds I give them a quick tap just
to make sure they are available. The second point that
our driver's manual makes is that we should feel no sideways
force on our buttocks when we are going around curves
as this is our signal that our tires are feeling the same
thing. This sideways force might tend to stress the sidewalls
on our tires and cause them to wear out prematurely. The
third point, and one that is near and dear to my heart,
is the corporation's concern for wildlife. The Volvo is
so quiet when it is being driven that when we are in the
country, or areas that might have wildlife crossing the
road, we are reminded to keep a close lookout for places
that might shelter creatures waiting for a chance to dart
across the road and slow down just in case they do not
hear us coming. And I know I am not alone in my cautious
driving habits for when I look in my rearview mirror I
can see a long line of safe drivers doing exactly the
same things I am doing. It makes me proud to be a leader
in safe driving practices. Thank you for taking the time
to read this and your true measure will be if you have
the courage to print it. -Name withheld by request."
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SPEAKIN' O' CRITTERS: Another
example o' somebody gettin' paid to do somethin' fun ...
some scientists got together 'n made a frog float ...
in thin air ... they put this giant magnet around 'im
an turned it on ... they're sayin' the magnetic force
warped the little guy's electrons ... made 'im levitate
... they're ready to move on to bigger game ... any volunteers
out there? ... I wonder which end of a human would point
North? ... for some reason this just doesn't seem practical
to me ... so now you can make me float in thin air ...
but you'll need a gargantuan semi-truck to carry the magnet
... a nuclear reactor to power it ... to make someone
actually move somewhere ... sounds good to me!
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HEALTHY GOURMET: Jes' 'bout
when I was gonna give some stuff up ... the medical profession
steps in 'n saves me from killin' myself ... a dinner
of pasta 'n tomato sauce ... with a cup o' green tea 'n
a slice o' lemon ... could provide a big dose o' lycopene
... an antioxidant ... the more you eat the better? ...
to top it off ... a fresh brewed cup o' coffee ... also
loaded with antioxidants ... like a big dose o' vitamin
A or C ... can you imagine? ... now if they'll jes' figger
out that the vanilla bean ... as used to flavor Dove Bar
ice cream ... 'll help ya lose weight I'll be set for
life!
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"Truth, like power, depends
on you to allow it to be." -- Mikey, Thinkin'
Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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