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| April 17, 1997 |
Get It: 105 |
Vol. 1, No. 67 |
ALARMING: "Having heard
the car alarm going off in the parking lot, John Q. Public
raced to the nearest phone booth and dialed 911, thwarting
another car break in" ... tchya! ... 'n pigs fly!
... how many times have YOU heard an alarm 'n been 'nothin
more 'n a little amused at someone's misfortune ... or
annoyed 'cuz it's the car next to you ... or worse yet
... the house next door ... 'n the people are on vacation
in the wilderness for two more weeks! ... or there's been
a smoke alarm goin' off in a computer room for who knows
how long ... but nobody's 'round to hear it ... hmmmmmm
... so what good are they? ... could you jes' buy the
decals 'n put on your windows ... assumin' the burglar
could read in the dark they might think twice 'bout breakin'
in ... then again ... they may jes' put in some earplugs
... didja ever wonder ... after you've been solicited
by an alarm company ... that if you say no they'll send
someone 'round to burglarize you ... then call you back
'n see if you've changed your mind ... or how 'bout the
door to door solicitations on behalf of the volunteer
fire departments ... where they put a little red sticker
on your mailbox after they've visited ... I wonder if
they put a different color on the people that gave money?
... does that mean that if your house catches on fire
'n they pull up 'n see the wrong color sticker you're
in deep doo-doo? ... or what about all the mail 'n phone
solicitations for the police departments ... ya get the
little sticker ... "Police Supporter" ... I
think a lot of people must think that's a lucky charm
against tickets ... put it on your bumper 'n they'll wink
at ya when you're speedin' ... guess again ... not that
I know ... a friend tol' me ... I guess we jes' see too
much on television to get too excited 'bout somethin'
as borin' as a siren goin' off!
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MEDICAL NEWS: Or an ad for
the beleaguered produce industry ... if you add low-fat
dairy products to a diet of fruits 'n veggies you could
reduce heart disease risk by up to 15% ... it's a very
small study but worth notin' in this allergy season ...
takin' over the counter decongestants for an extended
period may increase risk of a stroke ... next time you're
at a party ... watchin' some person furtively lookin'
'round ... reachin' their hand into the artichoke dip
... then wipin' it on their arms 'n face ... don't condemn
'em ... don't assume their drunk out of their gourd ...
they could be gettin' ready to go out in the sunlight
... there's an extract of artichoke that seems to prevent
the formation of tumors when rubbed on the skin of mice
... but speakin' o' drunk ... we've got a group o' fruit
flies that've been hittin' the bottle ... least that's
what the researchers would have us believe ... I mean
how ya gonna tell ... "OK Mr. Fruitfly, close your
eyes and touch your nose with your wing, then stand on
one leg and spin around, then fly down that straight line,
then hum the alphabet backwards!" ... 'n where do
they get those tiny shot glasses? ... do they have to
go to meetin's when the research is over? ... oh ... I
should have read the end ... it's at the University of
California San Francisco ... those people need more sunshine
... but seriously ... they're thinkin' the reaction to
alcohol is linked to genes ... speakin' o' which ... beginnin'
this Saturday you'll be able to access the TIGR Human
Gene Index at http://www.tigr.org/hgi/hgi.html ... so
run right down to the lab ... get your genes mapped ...
compare it to the database 'n find out where you are in
the evolution o' the species! ... 'n quit draggin' your
knuckles on the floor!
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"Reality is merely a label
we put on those things we're too lazy or afraid to change."
-- Mikey, Thinkin' Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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