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| April 30, 1997 |
Get It: 105 |
Vol. 1, No. 76 |
NO FAT: I mean not even a smidgen
... it said so right on the label ... not 1 gram ... 0%
... 'n it'd been sittin' in the freezer for a while ...
it was s'posed to be ice cream ... double-fudge brownie
... when I pulled the lid off it looked like a polar explorer's
mustache ... all the ice crystals stickin' up ... but
I was desperate ... wanted a little coolness ... a little
a la carte for my pie ... but #1 daughter said somethin'
'bout it tasted like it looked ... I took that as a bad
thing ... but like a mom sniffin' a diaper I couldn't
resist ... I took a bite ... I've had better tastin' motor
oil! ... (there's another bit o' advice ... keep your
mouth closed when you're under the car drainin' the oil
... stickin' your tongue out doesn't help ya 'member which
way to unscrew the plug!) ... I dumped the carton in the
sink ... it was about half full ... took my pie to the
couch ... settled in for the hour o' Frazier ... (half
hour would've been fine with me) ... returned to the kitchen
to put away my bowl ... the clump of ice cream was still
there ... it had warmed up ... but it wasn't meltin' ...
that's a scary thought ... I started runnin' hot water
on it ... that helped a little ... I wanted to retrieve
the carton from the trash to read the ingredients but
a little voice inside my head said "you don't want
to know" ... I left well enough alone ... hacked
it to death with a knife ... ran it through the diposal
... hope it doesn't clog up the water treatment plant.
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DRAGGIN' TAIL: Pipes that is ... didja
ever watch a car on the road 'n notice it had part of
it's exhaust system hangin' down ... sparks flyin' everywhere?
... or the car by the side of the road with it's drive-shaft
hangin' down? ... I always wondered how that could happen
... seems like it'd be quite excitin' to see a muffler
comin' atcha when you're drivin' ... one o' my "associates"
had that happen to 'im ... 'cept it fell down frontwards
... he pushed it 'round the Beltway ... it woulda been
funny if it'd caught in the pothole in lane 2 on the bridge
... pole vaulted 'im over the edge ... jes' kiddin' ...
I wouldn't wish that on anyone ... 'less I was there to
watch!
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CHAMELEON: Peer pressure bein' what
it is ... I'm wearin' a tie today ... I realized ... as
I was leafin' through the collection in the semi-darkness
... that I'm a little short on the traditional, business
conservative ties ... it's either Bugs Bunny ... Taz ...
Mickey ... Elvis ... or Beatles ... guess I need to run
down to the Dilbert store 'n get me one o' those that
turns up on the end! ... that's why I wear a white pocket
protector ... it goes with anything.
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ASTROLOGERS: Now they're tryin' to
say that Mitterand consulted an astrologer ... as if ...
I mean how many of you read your horoscope this mornin'?
... I looked at mine yesterday ... it was very explicit
'bout somethin' bein' broke at the house ... needin' repair
... it went into a lot of detail 'bout an example of a
refrigerator ... I pulled into the driveway ... sure 'nuff
... it wasn't my fridge ... but a split rail on my fence
was now a broke rail ... as luck would have it I had a
spare ... fixed it right up ... I swear I need a new drill
for that! ... today I'm payin' a little more 'tention
to it ... it says I'll have a "little disagreement
with my sweetie but not to fret because it'll probably
be cleared up by noon" ... I'm beginnin' to see a
pattern here ... maybe they should give Mitterand a medal
for seekin' some right advice?
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"You shouldn't strive to be first
all the time in trying new things. After all, you need
some time off to pull all the arrows out of your back."
-- Mikey, Thinkin’ Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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