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| May 2, 1997 |
Get It: 105 |
Vol. 1, No. 78 |
I CONFESS: It was a joke ...
to those of you who actually slowed down to 10 mph goin'
through the toll booths ... I'm glad you weren't in front
of me ... but I'm afraid someday that my nightmare'll
become reality ... but on a truer note ... Maryland 'n
Pennsylvania have stated that they're declarin' war on
aggressive drivin' in May ... when I was a kid in Catholic
school it was Mary's month ... we used to be bringin'
in flowers everyday ... singin' 'n paradin' 'round ...
what a difference a few years makes ... even though the
police've been criticized for "profilin'" people
to stop ... they've developed some guidelines to he'p
'em spot their targets ... this is from a memo leaked
to me by an inside source ... "vehicular operation
in such a manner as to cause, or appear to cause, other
motor vehicle operators to react, or appear to react,
in an abnormal pattern to elude the alleged perpetrator
of vehicular obfuscation can be classified as aggressive
behavior, if in the opinion of the officer observing the
alleged action, he or she will be able to safely apprehend
the alleged perpetrator without endangering the lives
of the civilians and prepare a citation for the alleged
offense" ... it goes on to list certain behaviors
that could indicate that a driver is habitually aggressive
... "resorts to hand signals when changing lanes,
particularly the raised hand with the middle finger extended"
... "displays more than one hand gun when arguing
with a fellow motorist" ... "has a large skull
and crossbones painted on the front of their car"
... "crosses four lanes of traffic and goes down
the right shoulder to get ahead of a slow car in the left
lane" ... "leaves less than 12 inches between
cars when driving 80" ... "throws beer cans
at pursuing officers" ... "has a bumper sticker
about their kid beating up someone's honor student"
... "has a bumper sticker about if you don't like
the way they drive then stay off the sidewalk" ...
"wears a hockey mask" ... 'n the final item
on the list ... "has a bumper sticker that says they
hate Volvos" ... so don't say I didn't warn ya! ...
(guess I'll be busy this weekend scrapin' off the bumper
stickers ... re-paintin' the front o' the car ... gettin'
a litter bag for the beer cans ... start wearin' a ski
mask ... fixin' the turn signals so I don't have to use
my hand signals ... get it through my head that the left
shoulder's jes' as good as the right one ... but I'll
jes' have to take my chances on the 12 inch rule ... if
I leave any more space than that some idiot'll try to
squeeze in!)
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ADIOS: We be havin' some parties
'round the office ... we jes' did the big cookies for
the April birthdays ... had an impromptu goin' away party
for some marketin' big shots who're headin' on down the
trail ... saddle bags all filled with beans 'n jerky ...
pursuin' other interests ... tonight's the reception for
all the regional managers ... from all over the country
... they'll be gettin' a pep talk on how to finish out
the second half o' the year ... I hear tell that there'll
be a giant paint ball war tomorrow ... the office group
'gainst the field group ... ('n that'll be at breakfast?)
... some people're takin' it a little serious ... 'specially
the new guys ... the veterans're givin' 'em all kinds
o' tips ... like what kind o' camo gear to wear ... how
to paint the face ... what color of cap to bring ... wish
we could get Peter Jennings to go film it ... might make
for an interestin' company video ... I'd be goin' but
as luck'd have it I've got yet another excuse to miss
... #2 son's movin' to his new place this weekend ...
he's shanghain' everybody he can get 'is hands on to help
out ... at least this time there's not 3 flights o' stairs
to negotiate ... oh ... 'cept for unloadin' his old place
... I don't know what it is ... must be genetic ... #1
son lived on the third floor of his first two places ...
'fore he got his current place ... I remember carryin'
those mattresses up those stairs! ... hmmmmmmmm ... paint
ball ... movin' ... where's my razor blade bannister?!?!?!
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ROAD CLOSED: You always say
that necessity is the mother of invention ... well I've
discovered yet another e-mail related web site that ya
might wanna take a look at ... we been havin' some trouble
at the office ... like havin' local mailboxes in a buildin'
... but havin' a box at the post office too ... 'n the
road's closed 'tween you 'n the post office ... you sit
all day ... unable to get to the post office ... wonderin'
if Ed McMahon's left you a million dollars ... well I
found a little detour ... it's out there under http://www.hotmail.com
... a quick sign up routine ... you get an e-mail address
... but the difference is ... you actually read 'n manage
your mail right there on the web page ... you don't use
the mail readin' stuff on your own computer ... it's all
done on the Internet ... now the big bonus is ... you
can get your mail from your other post offices 'n read
it there ... now that's been a real benefit ... plus you
don't have to have a mailbox somewhere else ... jes' be
able to get on the Internet ... 'n it's free! ... purty
cool!
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"You know your kids are growing
up when they pull their own teeth - then bring them to
you and ask for a dollar. You should be sure to remind
them not to do that with their second set." -- Mikey,
Thinkin’ Too Hard
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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