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| May 6, 1997 |
Get It: 105 |
Vol. 1, No. 80 |
TRAINER?: I don't need no stinkin'
trainer! ... I got my own form o' exercise ... it's called
"homeownership" ... (try sayin' that real fast
three times in a row) ... I'd kinda been puttin' off gettin'
the basement ready for the heat pump replacement ... the
guys are gonna show up at 9 today ... least ways that's
how we left it a month 'n a half ago ... I hope they 'member
... we had to unload the room where the "air handler"
is ... I never knew it had a name ... I'd always jes'
called it the "heater" ... silly me ... I shoulda
known better ... it's amazin' how much stuff we'd packed
'round it ... suitcases from back in the good ol' days
... when ya used the hard sided stuff ... before we converted
to stuffin' everythin' in a carry on bag ... all the weights
from the weight set ... let me see ... there were 10 weights
... lift 'n carry ... shoulda made a video ... coulda
made a fortune ... the crib from all the kids ... all
we could 'member was how many times each one'd thrown
up in it ... the Christmas ornaments ... Thanksgivin'
decorations ... Easter baskets ... Halloween stuff ...
the carpet scrubber ... the flag ... half-finished oil
paintin's ... a case o' collectible beer bottles ... waitin'
for the fabled bar to appear ... guitar cases from our
teenage years ... 12 strings no less ... this was the
easy part ... then I had to take down all the ceiling
tiles from the back third o' the basement ... it was obvious
to me that this was unnatural ... the panels were one
way panels ... they go in but they don't come out ...
the most I'd ever done was lift 'em up to snake speaker
wires ... cable extenders ... drill a few holes ... if
you can imagine ... 13 years o' dust ... drill droppin's
... cobwebs ... only found one mouse droppin' ... did
what my brother-in-law taught me ... crushed it 'tween
my fingers ... sniffed it ... to see how fresh it was
... (he did it with deer droppin's when he was huntin')
... it'd been many moons since this rodent had scurried
cross my ceilin' ... I carefully numbered each panel ...
wrote the number on joists ... uh-oh ... how will I tell
6 from 9? ... I think that'll be the least o' my problems
... got it all out ... then looked at the miserable mess
o' spaghetti wires hangin' down everywhere ... dug 'round
in the garage for some cable staples that I'd bought many
years ago ... never really used ... found 'em ... some
other staples ... some wire ties ... spent the next couple
o' hours hammerin' 'n hangin' ... shoulda been wearin'
my safety goggles ... kept havin' to stop 'n shake sawdust
outta my eyes ... shouldn't hammer directly over your
face ... I sure hope they show up!
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FOXY LADY: Endangered species
... 30,000 jobs may be lost in England ... since the Labour
Party won the elections ... it's feared they'll ban fox
huntin' ... shut down the 300 or so fox hunts a year ...
my only fear is that the next story'll be 'bout packs
o' foxes ravagin' villages in the North of England ...
runnin' amok 'cause there's no way to keep 'em under control
... kinda like the deer in Maryland ... where'll the foxtails
come from to hang on radio antennas? ... maybe they could
switch to Member o' Parliament huntin'? ... which reminds
me ... when ya channel surf sometimes ya' run across televised
stuff from the House of Parliament ... where the Prime
Minister's speakin' ... all the MP's are makin' rude sounds
... makes it kinda interestin' though ... wish I could
understand what they were sayin' ... then ya flip to C-SPAN
'n see one o' our guys ... talkin' to an empty chamber
... now that makes a lot o' sense ... maybe they need
to install a laugh track machine in the House of Representatives
... give it some life.
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IT'S BACK: 'Til the next time
we upgrade ... our e-mail at the office is fixed now ...
it's almost like bein' without oxygen ... havin' a phone
with only the listenin' part ... a car that only goes
in reverse ... makes it a lot simpler to send e-mail now
... I don't have to unhook my computer ... run down to
the payphone at the gas station ... plug my modem in ...
maybe I can get 'round to answerin' all those thousands
o' fan letters that've piled up.
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"A solitary, small cloud against
the blue backdrop of an otherwise empty sky. Must be a
vapor trail from a UFO." -- Mikey, Thinkin’
Too Hard (thanks Larry)
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| Mikey's Muse(tm)
is published weekdays as a commentary on stuff. Editor,
Michael T. Rusk. Copyright © 1997 by Michael T. Rusk.
Printed in the U.S.A. This publication may be distributed
freely as long as there is no charge. Commentary is loosely
based on actual events and may contain embellishments,
bits of fiction, and editorial liberties (lies) under
the guise of poetic license. All characters portrayed
in my writing are purely fictional and any resemblance
to any person, company or animal is purely unintentional.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it. Don't blame
me for anything I say and don't do anything I say, either.
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