November 16, 1995 Volume 1, No. 4

NOT AGAIN!: I promise I won't write about traffic again...I know that must be VERY boring to most of you... it's much better now...no it's not...in fact there haven't been any problems for a long time...LIAR!...no really...don't give me any of that crap!...leave me alone... I'm just mindin' my own business tryin' to be nice...quit bein' a wimp!...who are you callin' a wimp?!?!...quit lurkin' around...come out where I can see you...you'd like that wouldn't you?!?!?!...tell 'em the truth Mikey!...I don't know what you're talking about... c'mon Mikey tell 'em about us...never!...where'd I put those pills...I knew I shoulda looked at my watch!...the nice doctor warned me about this!...I hid the pills...oh no...here they are! ...now for some water...much better now!

SPEAKIN' OF CARS: We...I use that term in the royal sense...are thinkin' 'bout lookin' for a new car...nothin' fancy... just an adequate commuter...so I've been tryin' to psych up for the experience...the initial sizing-up by the salesperson...the inevitable "can I show you something?"...the rejection when you tell them you are "just looking"...trying to figure out the real car price...finally sitting down with a salesman... because you really can't tell how much they are...having them doodle on a pad..."how much do you want to pay a month?"...nothing obviously..."here's the sticker price then add our profit, our prep, our commission, our Sales Manager's lease payment, last month's coffee bill"...only $5,000 more than sticker...but wait... I can give you a good deal...I'll knock off the coffee bill and give you the sleeves off my vest!...10 minutes of silence as we stare at the salesman...finally he asks how much we want to pay for the car...we tell him a ridiculous figure (20 or 30% under sticker)...well he did ask how much we WANTED to pay...that's how much we WANT to pay...so then he gets serious..."if I can get you the right price will you buy it today?"...I shrug my shoulders...I don't know...how long can they continue torturing me...write it up I say...so we go through the perfunctory writing of the order...he now has to seek a higher authority..."The Sales Manager"...the guy who's been skulking about...cigarette dangling from his lips...a greedy, hungry look in his eye...they go conference for a while...actually talkin' about last night's game...they could care less about our order...we're fillin' out the requisite credit application...finally he comes back...he's come down to the sticker price...we don't budge... he goes back to his boss...another 15 minutes pass...he has a better price...still higher than our ridiculous number...we start to get up...he tells us about how the dealership has to make money...be reasonable he pleads... I tell him we want to be one of the "loss leader" families...give us a good deal...we'll sing his praises...he thinks it's funny...now it's the principle of the thing...finally we agree on a price...our price...(3 hours later)...they are ready to do the paperwork...we are assaulted by the "ADD ON LADY"...extended warranty for the parts that won't break, fabulous undercoating, paint coating, fabric coating, tire coating, windshield protection, burglar alarm, and can of new car scent...only another $2,000...we suffer through the guilt...neglecting our "investment"...we finally convince them we don't want any of it...then to sign the papers...one final hurdle...CREDIT LIFE...what a deal... I pay for it...I die...someone else gets the car free?...not me...just give me the car...the kids've been alone since 10:00 in the morning...it's now 6:00 at night...we finally close on car...drive home exhausted...I feel like I've been on American Gladiators!!

"Sometimes, Nothing is better than Something for free." --Mikey, Thinking Too Hard