November 21, 1995 Volume 1, No. 5

SMOKE OUT: I guess it's appropriate...it's cold out...it's almost turkey day...so we ask all the smokers to go "cold turkey"...not smoke for one day...pretty awesome idea if you think about it...not that I'm any kind of crusader...I used to smoke...started when I was 11...wanted to appear grown up... my first daddy had smoked...my second daddy had smoked...my third daddy (the one who ended up raisin' me right) smoked...it was fascinatin' to watch him smoke...he'd light up...take a few drags... then go back to work...cigarette danglin' from his lips...eyes squintin' because of the smoke...he did everything that way...sheared shrubs perfectly smooth by hand...kinda like Edward Scissorhands...'cept his shears weren't built in...crushin' out his used up butt with his work boot...always had that cigarette (L & M)...he taught me valuable lessons about life...like doin' a job right for instance... he was a tough man...he'd grown up during the Depression...worked as a ranch hand...an honest to goodness real cowboy...I didn't like the lessons then but they sure did stick...I started smokin' 'cause I wanted to look cool...grown-up...sneak a cigarette from somebody's parent's pack...light up...try to look neat...never really inhalin'...then I learned the trick about swallowin' the smoke...then it looked like you had inhaled...it'd come out your nose...impressed the 4th graders anyway...that summer Ricky and I spent most of our vacation at the local city airport...it was only two houses from my house...we'd sit out on the concrete porch...watch the planes...we had 2 DC-3 flights a day...and smoke our cigarettes...we dared each other to inhale...finally I did...it was terrible!!...I coughed... I choked...I turned green...I wanted to throw up...but there was no turnin' back now...I was a punk... this was cool...I remember stockpilin' packs of cigarettes from various kid's houses...I had a stuffed monkey that I kept on my bed...it had a zippered back for storing pajamas...I kept my smokes there...I remember my mom pickin' it up once...wonderin' what those hard bumps were...she opened it...I had to make up a story about it bein' some other kid's stuff...I was just holdin' it for 'im...like she believed that load of crap...I guess I was a casual smoker...didn't really get serious about it until I started workin' nights in college...even then I wasn't too serious...I figured if I never actually bought cigarettes then how could I be a smoker...so I bummed cigarettes...actually achieved and maintained a pack-a-day habit without ever shellin' out for smokes!...I didn't keep smoking friends very long though...I finally started adding packs of cigarettes onto my gasoline charges...my poor Volkswagen didn't appear to get very good gas mileage!...finally...one day...I had run out of cigarettes...I decided to stop...I did...cold turkey...that worked for about 3 years...I was really happy to have kicked the habit...but then...one night...pullin' an all-nighter for a computer project... I bummed a cigarette!...the first drag burned like the dickens...I coughed...I choked...my eyes watered...I got dizzy...my ears were ringin'...I wanted to throw up!...the second one was much easier... that simple and quick...I was hooked again...I never accepted it though...I was travelling...I'd get to the airport...buy a pack of Salems (I believed that Springtime Fresh garbage, I really thought it would make my breath smell OK)...get in the back of the plane...light up...wake up in the morning at the hotel...reach to the nightstand...grab a cigarette...light up...then turn on TV...eat a meal... finish up with a cigarette...I kept telling myself that as soon as the pack ran out I'd quit...but I kept buyin' another pack...then one day...August 6th...1982...at 10:00 AM EDT...I looked at the almost full pack of cigs in my hand...thought I'll quit as soon as they're gone...but then threw the pack in the trash!!!...OH THAT WAS SO HARD...they sat there all day taunting me...I kept reaching in my shirt pocket for a smoke...that went on for 3 weeks or so...but I finally got past that...I haven't had one since...but I'm not a reformed smoker...no sireeee...I know that in one puff I'd be hooked again...I know how hard it is...sometimes I catch myself tryin' to cheat...sniff someone's smoke... that's bad...but that's the way it is when you're hooked on the little rascals...one day isn't askin' too much...try it...it's different...oh by the way...my daddy did the ultimate cold turkey... the day he died from emphysema from smokin'...that's the lesson he's passin' on to his grandkids.

"Enjoy your emotions, relish your mood swings, there's nothing quite as refreshing as a good low to pick you up." --Mikey, Thinking Too Hard